then life changed

so

 

I didn't have bipolar

I had ptsd

 

from childhood violence

from trauma care in hospital

 

and im dealing with it

 

and I had a disastrous relationship and the next thing

I have no relationship

2weeks later

I find out im pregnant

the big man of them that rule

advised me

to not continue with it

 

but I always knew it wasn't bipolar at heart

seems I was right

 

life is complex

I wreck a lot of good stuff

but my boy

hes wonderful

I feel blessed everyday

 

people come

some stay

the rest I kind of outrun

ignore

 

as im know im free

kind of

 

no enforced meds

that was brutal

 

I went for help

and lost 10 years to it

 

then Alfie

and these days

I try to anticipate

 

it nearly was all too much

until I found I was pregnant

 

and they see my son

and they see how awesome he is

 

and its the big fuck you to the system

 

how I love this boy

 

ive lost weight

lost the bloating

 

but I have to be careful

they fried me on cortisol

the fear hormone

 

and its in my body fat

when I loose weight

it floods my system

and me all sensitive to it

tends to be shit being a love sickfool

makes me go a lil stressed

 

hey ho

as long as my son is awesome

ill just try and be the best I can be

 

143  son