Jake n Me

February 21 at 5:04am
I saw you commented on my jake, my cosmic sunshine spiritual cat. With my cats i allowed myself accidentaly to love, something i dont do with people. Jake, duddley and drewpy were my boys. I was living with the person i met online, the person i went to New Zealand to live with, without ever having met the person face to face. They worked in the council office. It was an open plan office, they looked after alcohol licensing and geothermal and dangerous goods. Next to there section was animal control. Now NZ is still very tribal with the moaris and its modern head is that of drug dealing motocycle gangs. One day i was at home and already with 2 cats my partner rang and told me there was a very tiny ginger kitten that needed fostering. This kitten was so young and so small that it needed hand rearing with high calorie paste every 4 hours, the spca couldnt take him as he needed such care and if no home was found he would be euthinased. Ofcourse i said there was room at the inn and so jake was delivered. Hed been found in a drugs raid tiny, some 6 weeks old, chewing on dog roll food, he was being sick as the food was too rich for his baby system and he also had chronic tummy troubles for the same reasons. He was duley left with me. A tiny kitten, suringes of high calorie paste. Theres a new zealand film called once where warriors about the gang system in the maori culture, the lead charicture was "jake the muss" a violent repugnant man. But jake was a name i would have wished to name my child should i have been blessed so for many reasons jake was his name. I cleaned him with cotton wool and warm water......he fitted in the palm of my hand and every 4 hours i would put this paste, somewhat like marmite around his mouth then he would spend the next hour cleaning himself and the paste licking it off and hence nourishing himself. The days passed and every 4 hours, day and night the cycle happend. He started showing unusual behaviour very early. Every bath or shower i would take he would try at first but then succeed with growth to get in or sit on the side catching bubble or pawing at the jets. Slowly i noticed that every time i icked up my car keys he would rush to the door. With time he ventures outside and with the carkeys response he would bein the car so quick i couldnt catch him. With time we would go for dirves, he would sit on my headrest, leaning on my head progressing to the dashboard we he would watch the world pass, just sat there as happy as anydog ive seen. When he was older i got a job when i got my visa for residency sorted and upon my returning home he would always be at the door to greet me. Through times of illness when the nights are so long and lonley he would sit at my side, only leaving when one of my other boys would come as if to relieve him from his duty of care.

The week jake died, i got a phone call my grandma had passed . She was 94 and it was exspected, little grief was felt just gratitude shed lived such a wonderously long life happily. Then i went to work and my boss (an idiot) told us staff they'd gone bankcrupt and we had 4 hours left to work and dont bother comming back cos thats it. Then i returned home, a beautiful rural home 38 km's from the nearest settlement, somewhere i thought the dangers of cas and the joys of nature would heal me and my boys from the horrors of surburbia. Well i pulled into my drive and a man called bob called for me. The sparce amount of houses were mostly small rickerty holiday homes. Bob had dropped out of society, lived in a caravan, was self sufficient, a lovley man with a twinkle. I would fish and he would grow veggies and we would barter and talk about how wonderful not being part of modern life was. I digress. This day bob called for me, he came close, becond me to walk to his caravan and at the door there was a box. He aid i dont know how to say this sophie. I was well known ass the mad woman with the cat in the car. He pointed to the box and pulled back a cloth. I saw the glimpse of blond fur an i fell to my knees. He told me that about 1am a car had passed and hed heard a nose and in the morning he had found jake. He was perfect, no blood, no wounds just stiff with riiger mortis...i noise eminated from me....ive never made such a noise before or after....i brushed him for the final time.....i dug a hole........i could hardly see for tears and histeria...even as i write this i cry for this loss.....i burried him, my friend had come and they said a prayer and i told them to shut the fuck up that no god would do this to me all in one week......i placed a budda head over him so when i was sat at my desk i could see his resting place. That night a big storm passed over head, i couldnt sleep i had been crying for hours by then, as i lay i knew i must get close to jake, i thought of digging him up but didnt wish to desturb him so in this storm i went outside in my pj's and lay in the rain upon his grave.....i was there for about 30 mins....soaking wet...oblivious to the colds....the physical feelings drownded out by the emotional pain.....the reality of seperation.....i never thought i wold have to be parted from any of my cats and especialy jake....he was only 8......well it didnt take ong for my steroidal body and reduced immunity to turn with grief into pneumonia......i refused to leave my home to go to hospital...refused to leave my grave side vidual......eventualy i was so ill a visitor called for an ambulance and i was quickly back in intensive care.....but i didnt care.....and this journey of return to England and loosing everything occured......he died in march and by july i was back in england......and still to this day i sit broken hearted......some days i cant look at the slideshow bar showing me flashes of him....for jake was my cosmic sunshine spiritual cat....and that is that